Breakfast Musings

It's Labor Day...

I might as well post. :-P

Havin me some delicious Zen Roast coffee from Bloomingfoods (add Hazelnut cream please!), and I'm breaking the fast with a scrumdiddliumpcious bowl of my favorite AM comfort food --- oatmeal. Not the plain-Jane stuff. It's got all kinds of toppings! Today it's a dash of brown sugar, a handful of craisins,  a tablespoon of crunchy peanut butter, 3 teaspoons worth of milled flax seed and some soy milk. Makes my taste buds dance.

Morning Post! (It's so punny >:-P)

So anyway, I submit to you this morning, the humble musings of a simple woman enjoying the pleasures of a holiday soon to slip past, before she returns to the demands of a work-filled week and it's never-ending laundry list of obligations. It's almost surreal...the quiet of the morning after a weekend of rain and storm. The friendly pitter-patter of water hitting pavement was a welcome visitor, as it breathed life into the drought-filled earth of a town unaccustomed to so little hydration in the summer. But now, it's just placid...not even the sound of a car driving past, or the laughter of a child running about outside enjoying her extra day without school.

As I sit, I hear the slight hum of the air-conditioner. The quiet click of the keyboard before me as I prepare to exhort the virtual world into a moment within my mind's eye. It's unsettling really. Honestly - this weekend was a challenge. For those of us who prefer that our universe only function with a calendar full, rather than a blank page of nothing a weekend to wind down, check out...do nothing, you know my quandary. It's quite frightening really. I remember as Friday approached, I knew that a weekend of rest would be what the doctor ordered. Two weeks of non-stop preparing this, going to that, driving here, picking someone up there, calling this person, meeting with that person. My mind dizzies just thinking of it all. If not for the friendly imprint of the sun upon my skin, one couldn't miss the haggard look circling my eyes, or the slight droop in my shoulders when a moment alone was caught as I recouped from exhaustion. Oh how life shows no mercy sometimes! 

But doesn't such a life give us purpose though? I smile just thinking of it. A schedule of requirements that depend upon ME to function and move forward. It's quite intoxicating really. Puffs me up a bit actually. It was the dread of the empty page that bubbled beneath my chagrined expression as I anticipated this past Friday. To do nothing = mean nothing. I know, I know...it's illogical. And for me at times, just plain poisonous. To be driven by such lies results only in angst. Trust me. I know. 

Did you pause at all this weekend? I mean really stop and embrace the world about you. Boy was it hard for me. As a person who presumably believes in a God-incarnate, found in the person of Jesus - I'm supposed to have an irrational trust in his ability to carry the burdens laid heavy on my shoulders. I learned this weekend that I trust in him little. But I pried my hands from the wheel of control in my life and found a new kind of freedom. My brow often furrowed this weekend as the to-do list, and the have-tos took captive my mind, impressing upon me to convulse into the machinations of a person often overwhelmed and driven by results - the end product (plural). But before the shroud of panic seized me, I would breath and remind myself that not another minute of worry would change tomorrow. I would breath and remind myself that God knows my to-do list and the intricacies of his mind have a capacity beyond my understanding to take care of what's next in my life - important or not. Even now, I must breathe and do the same. 

Something magical would happen when that mental reminder would trickle down and affect my heart. Tense shoulders would relax and the simple pleasures of my day became the new important moments. My dear husband sitting by my side with his hand at the small of my back, unnoticed during the week because of work, but embraced and cherished with a soul calmed by peace and trust. A few hours with a good friend filled with laughter unconstrained by the pressure of time. A bite to eat, savored completely - unscathed by the toil of email response after email response. The presence of God experienced fully in the quiet, untouched  by a person rushing out the door. 

It's almost noon. I'm hearing the world wake up. The slamming of car doors, and engines starting. I hope they are off to have an afternoon at the park. It's stopped raining after all. 

I think I need to do this more. We all do.

P.S. I want a hammock. <3<3

YEAH...LIKE THAT ONE. :)

The Gray Area of Integrity

"What on earth could she be talking about?" Is what you're likely thinking if you've decided to read this post. When you look up the word, "integrity" on merriam-webster.com you get these three definitions:

1. firm adherence to a code of moralistic or artistic values

2. an unimpaired condition

3. the quality or state of being undivided

I think that my own personal definition of integrity might be an amalgamation of those three:

"A firm adherence to a moralistically unimpaired or undivided code of values (that might be a little artsy - j/k)."

I was prompted to write about this particular musing today when I found myself in conflict with - myself. In coping with the outcome of a personal circumstance I was confronted with an emotionally debilitating predicament. I had hit the gray area of integrity! 

(Must click for full effect! :-P)

It all began the other day when I just couldn't stop mulling over "the unsaid situation" and felt my heart aching. It wasn't that good kindof lovesick ache either. It was more of the oh-crap-my-world-is-going-to-end ache. (A little exaggerated, no?) The manifestation of my little predicament was that of guilt - guilt that I had wronged someone close to me. Guilt that I had jeopardized some crucial relationships. Fear that I had nicked my fragile little reputation. Suffice it to say - I might have been a little manic. *Blech.* 

As I pressed in a little deeper into my psyche, I found the root of the unquenchable distress. There were two conflicting values. Boiled down simply, it was a value that concerned me crashing headlong into a value that concerned others. Of course they overlapped and blahdy blah blah blah. If I assume that I am undivided in my code of values then how do I reconcile a situation where one part of my code asks me to compromise in order to firmly adhere to another part of my code!!!!! 

I know, I know....

That's what you're sayin'.

I hope that you were able to sort through all of that verbal vomit. I tend to do the verbal vomit thing. Ask anyone. Haha. Well...assuming that you gleaned even a smidgen of what I was trying to say, then I would like to believe that someone out there in the virtual world resonates with me. 

I even took this up with Lord God Almighty. We had a good long talk, reviewed some stuff from the Bible and still couldn't sort through it. So have I found a solution to non-conflictedness? Not really. But what I have realized about myself is that my values are FULL of these contradictions and the curve ball gets thrown when my ethical and moral compasses are set against them. So do I set out on an intellectual pilgrimage to purge my mind of all opposing values? Talk about overwhelming. But the idea of preventative measures to reduce the amount of intellectual and emotional trauma I go through IS appealing. It might also keep others from walking into the crossfire (aka verbal vomit). I'm content to remain unresolved - for now. 

But I do welcome any tips. All pychological/philosophical/ethical/moral Yodas welcome. :)

"Awesome Yoda cake" courtesy of bitrebels.com

Quick recap: Definition of Integrity. Emotional debilitation. Gray area. Dramatic chipmunk. Heart achiness. Conflicting values. Bwaaah!@#$%^&*((*&^%$#@#$%^$$$. Hippy lemur. Unresolved. Yoda. 

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!

Introductory

Hello gentlemen & gentlewomen. I am attempting for the umpteenth time in a row to create a blog that remains up-to-date. Maybe if I commit to a post every 2 weeks at least, and keep the flexibility of posting as I am so inspired. You know. For those crazy moments that need to be extroverted on. 

              So yes. The title of my blog is COFFEE IN MY CREAM. I am the kind of person that enjoys the special features that give all the insider deets in movies, so I'd be remiss to leave readers to wonder "Why the title?" I do believe that it speaks to a number of things about me and what you might expect content-wise in this blog. First. Note the banner above. Isn't it lovely? I LOVE coffee. I've been swooned by the bitter notes of the cocoa bean since the age of seven, having had my first scoop of coffee ice cream then and have remained addicted from the start. Of course my mother saw it coming and quickly inserted the age-old advice regarding coffee that all children have at least heard once in their lives: "Don't drink coffee because it will stunt your growth." 

              Was I phased? I believe not. After an already long history of being in the front of group photos, never reaching the top shelf without a stool and being perpetually used as a shoulder rest, I think that I'd consigned to a life of "stunted growth" - even at the age of seven. 

              Second. The concept of "Coffee in my Cream" is so counter-intuitive don't you think? It turns your expectations on its head a little bit. It's okay if you don't agree. Well, I've enjoyed living just past the edge of unconventional in life, be-it my obsession with scarves, my comfort with lesser showers, my opinions about politics, my ambitions about the day-to-day choices. It's an adventure to fight against the status quo and observe my own psyche in the midst of it. I believe this blog will be a glimpse into the various spaces of my mind which entertain those moments. I'm pretty random. And with time I've observed that my memory escapes me quite often these days and so if I go on an unlinkable tangent, just chalk it up to a failed effort at remembering what was going on (essentially a brain fart). But I hope you like! I humbly offer to you my musings as I endeavor to connect with humanity via the Internets. Till then, as an homage to my obsession with coffee and perhaps a denied addiction to caffeine (:-P) I commend to you a collection of epic latte art. 


Courtesy of thechive.com 


Pretty bomb right? : )


Even more epic.


Pokemon Latte? YES PLEASE. Courtesy of smosh.com


This is too much. Yes that is Lennon. Courtesy of studio6coffee.com (Click for more awesome latte art)


Oh and P.S. My favorite blend is Zen Roast by Equal Exchange Coffee. A perfect combination of medium-bodied deliciousness from the Latin Americas. Can be found at the East Side BloomingFoods for you btowners. And on days that I want to spoil myself, a tasty hazelnut Americano does the trick. Drink Ethically. What's your coffee beverage (or not coffee beverage) of choice?


Gratefully yours,
Rodelyn