1. firm adherence to a code of moralistic or artistic values
2. an unimpaired condition
3. the quality or state of being undivided
I think that my own personal definition of integrity might be an amalgamation of those three:
"A firm adherence to a moralistically unimpaired or undivided code of values (that might be a little artsy - j/k)."
I was prompted to write about this particular musing today when I found myself in conflict with - myself. In coping with the outcome of a personal circumstance I was confronted with an emotionally debilitating predicament. I had hit the gray area of integrity!
(Must click for full effect! :-P)
It all began the other day when I just couldn't stop mulling over "the unsaid situation" and felt my heart aching. It wasn't that good kindof lovesick ache either. It was more of the oh-crap-my-world-is-going-to-end ache. (A little exaggerated, no?) The manifestation of my little predicament was that of guilt - guilt that I had wronged someone close to me. Guilt that I had jeopardized some crucial relationships. Fear that I had nicked my fragile little reputation. Suffice it to say - I might have been a little manic. *Blech.*
As I pressed in a little deeper into my psyche, I found the root of the unquenchable distress. There were two conflicting values. Boiled down simply, it was a value that concerned me crashing headlong into a value that concerned others. Of course they overlapped and blahdy blah blah blah. If I assume that I am undivided in my code of values then how do I reconcile a situation where one part of my code asks me to compromise in order to firmly adhere to another part of my code!!!!!
I know, I know....
That's what you're sayin'.
I hope that you were able to sort through all of that verbal vomit. I tend to do the verbal vomit thing. Ask anyone. Haha. Well...assuming that you gleaned even a smidgen of what I was trying to say, then I would like to believe that someone out there in the virtual world resonates with me.
I even took this up with Lord God Almighty. We had a good long talk, reviewed some stuff from the Bible and still couldn't sort through it. So have I found a solution to non-conflictedness? Not really. But what I have realized about myself is that my values are FULL of these contradictions and the curve ball gets thrown when my ethical and moral compasses are set against them. So do I set out on an intellectual pilgrimage to purge my mind of all opposing values? Talk about overwhelming. But the idea of preventative measures to reduce the amount of intellectual and emotional trauma I go through IS appealing. It might also keep others from walking into the crossfire (aka verbal vomit). I'm content to remain unresolved - for now.
But I do welcome any tips. All pychological/philosophical/ethical/moral Yodas welcome. :)
"Awesome Yoda cake" courtesy of bitrebels.com
Quick recap: Definition of Integrity. Emotional debilitation. Gray area. Dramatic chipmunk. Heart achiness. Conflicting values. Bwaaah!@#$%^&*((*&^%$#@#$%^$$$. Hippy lemur. Unresolved. Yoda.
TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!
